low self esteem

bismillah.

salam wrt wbt & hi!

after more than 500 orders, i'm still panic while baking them. still have a heart attack everytime i make delivery. this lack of confidence gets in the way. huhu. i don't know why. maybe because i don't have proper training or cooking lesson or even the right skill or knowledge about cooking. or because of the negative people who keep putting me down by telling me everything i did is wrong. when nothing is right, go left (eh? haha.).

i've had this for a long time actually. ever since i was still studying. my good friend notices this. she actually wanted to help me in any way, every way possible. masyaAllah, she has a big heart! we are very different in many ways but she understands me so well. may Allah bless her. if i can absorb some of her confidence, she will let me. hahah.

when reputation precedes you, that's when i'm worried the most. not that i'm well known or good enough but word of mouth scares me. that's why i don't like to ask people to promote. i myself don't advertise that much. hate doing it actually. don't even talk about it when i meet people unless they ask me about it. i prefer their own testimonial to tell it as it is.

i have no problem making what i like, but seeing people tasting it in front of me is terrifying! and that is why i can't enter any cooking competition because i might faint or die of fear. waiting for what people have to say is the most excruciating pain ever. bad or negative comments would just kill me. inside at least. it might make me want to stop doing it forever. i can accept constructive ones, it is the way to help a low self esteem person like me.

but if you have all the confidence in the world, that might not work for you. you might love being bashed by people, then only it builds you up. my friend told me this. the one i mentioned before. you see, we have to deal with people differently and have various approach to people. it is important to understand them. not just simply give everyone the same or random even wrong advice. yes, there is such thing. not every advice is good. it might be hurtful when you don't know their condition or situation.

and again, i've said this before, business people will hate me for this. that i should do it, bla bla bla. how to expand the business if you don't do it, yada yada yada. when i attended a business course, what they taught me is, what we think of others, that's what we are to them. meaning, if i think, promoting like crazy and talking about it all the time is annoying to me, so i won't do it to others.

i know it's a major problem (major problem! *saluting like ted mosby and robin scherbatsky in how i met your mother* haha.). that is why i always say i don't do it for the business, i do it because of my passion. some people might not understand that. if only they could. i wish. huu. let's pray to Allah s.w.t so that He opens our minds and hearts so we can see with our soul not just our eyes, to appreciate the differences in others. amin. =)